The Distance

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It's been just over a week since our Rosie died. When it was only a day, exactly a day to the minute, I was in the middle of putting dinner on the table and I couldn't stand the normality of our routine. The kids were loud, the lights were bright. This time yesterday the house was quiet and dim, and we held our Rosie on the couch as she Continue Reading

Her Last Day

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Death is at your doorstep And it will steal your innocence But it will not steal your substance But you are not alone in this You are not alone in this .... we will stand and we’ll hold your hand Hold your hand.                             ~ Timshell, Mumford and Sons Last night our beautiful dog Rosie died. I am Continue Reading

I Won’t Forget September is Your Birthday

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My grandma was like a warm spring breeze. So refreshing and always ready to caress you. She would greet you at her front door with a trademark ‘Hull-ooooh!’,  followed by a squeeze so tight you almost felt your lungs would never recover. I adored being swept up in that exuberant love. The day my grandma died I said, “This morning the world seems Continue Reading

Softly

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Where are you now, Grandma? I see you softly drifting on the brink, curling into the filmy line between this world and the next. Today I said good-bye to you for the last time. Inadequate and impossible.  How does anyone express the enormity of a lifetime of love? The vastness of gratitude? All whittled down to tender whispers and gentle Continue Reading

Just Another Date

Blog Remission

December 10, 2003. There are details about that day that I can never forget. Like the way I sat in the haematologist’s office staring at the stupid little animal ornaments on his desk. Like the crooked angle of his polka-dot bow tie. Like the way he waffled on about diseases and then BAM!  The words kicked me in the guts and set my body shaking. Continue Reading

Grace

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She carries a pearl In perfect condition What once was hurt What once was friction What left a mark No longer stings Because grace makes beauty Out of ugly things                                    - Grace, U2 I sway between hope and despair hourly. I wish I was a consistent person. I wish I was positive ALL THE TIME. But I feel Continue Reading

The Great Leap Forward

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"Start your own revolution and cut out the middleman"                                                              ~ Billy Bragg, The Great Leap Forward :::::: You can have your own personal revolution any time you want. It doesn't have to be dramatic. Sometimes it can start with a murmur at the dawn of day. This week I started walking. For Continue Reading

Permission to be Real

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So here’s what I do. I explore the undercurrents. I’m a sonar in the depths. Picking up on the signals that no-one wants to hear or talk about. The despair, the pain, the misery, the gloom. Because that sort of talk is socially unacceptable. Because there’s a social pressure to avoid the undertow. Just look on the bright side!  And whatever you Continue Reading

Out There

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I want to capture colour and light. I want to punctuate the details. I want to write and write and write. But I can't. Not because I don’t want to. Not because there are no ideas. But because there’s this thing happening that short circuits every attempt to be creative. It's an unbloggable thing unfolding in the life of my family. Where I am Continue Reading

Late Night

Listening to the song. Again and again. The spell it has on me. Rain in the moonlight. Steady drumming of my heart. Unbroken humming. Sweet breaths of sleep creep under the door. Alone at last. Curling into the sacred corner of the night. To be awake. To be still. To be free. To rise and soar. And remember no more. Hold me in Continue Reading