Who are you?

I’m writing to you from down here.

Down here is where angels and infidels meet. There’s a party going on. Come on in.

There are mermaids, rock stars, and quirky townspeople. There’s a wild wind, a house by the sea, and a cat sleeping curled. There’s the scent of sandalwood and candlenuts somersaulting in the air.

It’s so easy to get lost down here. You’ll find me somewhere in between the whimsy of fairy lights and celtic swirls.

In the corner there’s a little box of keepsakes. Some blissful little trinkets. Some souvenirs of pain. In a medium sized box there’s photos. Jigsaw pieces of time. And the biggest box of all is crammed full of words. Raging and frothing about. A few have left the box. They are dancing like butterflies in the crispy breeze.

Dylan Thomas is on the couch stroking his boy-like face. He’s having a cup of tea with a cheerful lady. On the other side of the room Bono is crooning in soft Irish tones. Mother Teresa is kicking back with my Dad. Mum and my sisters are holding my babies. My dear husband is sweeping the floor. Meanwhile, Paul Klee is painting glorious abstract rose gardens on the walls. It’s busy down here.

It’s so busy I could be here for awhile. There’s still the needles, the scars, the dark nights. There’s still the healing, the miracles, the luminous lights. But it’s spinning so fast. I need to breathe it in before it fades away.

As I walk to the door I see her there. Calling me from thousands of years away.  I haven’t seen her in awhile but she starts chatting like we’re old mates. She helps herself to a generous slice of fruitcake and smiles. Those angels at the door let me in.

I figure as much.

You know you’re named after me?

I know this but I hadn’t thought much about it until this moment.

She taps me on the shoulder. Can you see it? Can you see it now?

I don’t want to look. It’s terrifying to look.

You’re just like me. Sure, we’re different in a lot of ways. But you love justice. You’re a poet. You’re a warrior. You’re a truth-bearer.

That’s a lot to live up to. I turn to leave. But she continues.

It’s been with you all along. You can’t run away from it. It’s who you are.  

Who I am? I thought this room was who I am.

I realise then the room is just dust particles. Holograms of mementos and memories. The room doesn’t define me.

I need to stop asking Who? I need to start asking Why?

I walk up the stairs and out the door.

Rich blood flows to every muscle.

I’m amazed at how strong I feel when I am being me.

I stretch as far as my wing span will go.

And step into the lucid light.

 

Comments

    • Deb says

      I’m asking why in the sense of ‘purpose’ rather than explaining our unexplainables! Yes, that would be horrible. :) Thank you for reading, Glowless. x

    • Deb says

      Kate, I admit this one is a bit trippy. I honestly struggled with pressing publish on this one. I didn’t expect many to ‘get’ it (because of the personal references) – but I couldn’t write it any other way. PS I’m in awe of your intellect. x

    • Deb says

      Thanks so much Alana. I’m still brimming with the memory of your beautiful voice on your Vlog today! You are so lovely. xx

  1. says

    You have such an amazing gift with words. You paint pictures with them like I try to create images from my camera but your stories are so rich with much depth. I love the imagery you create and you reveal yourself and your tastes through your name dropping of Bono, Dylan and Klee. I think it’s really poignant that you move near the end of this piece from “who” to “why”. We could navel gaze forever but using our life for a purpose is really more enriching. You can learn who you are along that journey just as well.
    Veronica @ Mixed Gems recently posted..Carpe DiemMy Profile

  2. says

    Wow. Just.. wow. I haven’t visited your blog before but the way that you write will bring me back. And what you wrote will keep me thinking for a while. I love the way you feel so strong being you after going through the introspective process. So powerful.
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  3. says

    Oh what a post. Trying to mould who you are. You know sometimes I think I know what I’m destined to become, who I’m destined to be and then sometimes something happens to make me think ‘hang on, maybe I’ve got it wall wrong’. But it’s an instinct that you can’t suppress and so it rises again.

    Love & stuff
    Mrs M
    Maria Tedeschi (Mum’s Word) recently posted..DO YOU BELIEVE IN OLD SOULS?My Profile

    • Deb says

      You nailed it, Maria. It’s something you can’t suppress. The clarity of who I’m meant to become gets sharper with every year of my life.

      So great to see you here. x

  4. Rex says

    Very moving Deb. I can relate to this, so well. I love Paul Klee. And I have always known the real me, it’s about accepting that and believing in the inner beauty of yourself.

    I adored this Deb. X

  5. inkpaperpen says

    You have blown me away. YOU are such a writer, I could picture it all so vividly, especially Dylan Thomas on the couch and Bono in the corner. Really, truly glorious writing. Another post of yours that I will come back to when I need to think strong. X

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