That Moment

May 16, 2012

That moment. That second I gave birth. It was power and truth fused into one almighty bolt.

Her little body on my chest. Her face as clear as daylight. Her lips quivering. Her mop of black hair all matted and wet. As she squawked, I cooed like a mama-bird. “My gorgeous girl, I’m your mummy. You’re okay now”. And all the while tears rolled down her father’s face. It struck me that this was it. This was it. The most powerful moment of our lives.

New life.


Hours later I was finally alone with my girl. I tucked her under my wing as I lay with her in bed. I looked into her eyes, “It’s me, I’m your mummy”. And this time the words sank like a stone. Like I finally believed them myself. And the truth registered with a charge down my spine. I’m responsible here. I’m the one. She is dependent on me.

Here begins my watch.

Her first week on earth was delicious. The smell of her soft skin was intoxicating. Pretty cards and presents arrived daily in the mail. Celebration whirled through the house like a circus clown. Soothing dinners warmed our bellies at night. Oh how I was ravenous! I inhaled food. I let it nourish me. And I fed and fed and fed my baby with milky goodness.


The milestones passed… one after another… she laughed, she rolled, she sat up. And then when she was 9 months old I remember something so vivid and bright. It was a week before Mother’s Day. I was cooking dinner. Little poppet in her high chair watching me potter around. Out of silence she looked up to me and said “Mama”.  – I dropped my spoon.  It was the first time I had ever heard these words directed to me. It hit me harder than the thud of that spoon. It hit me deep, where blood is a crazy gush of molten, at the furnace core of my heart.

There was someone in this world that would now call me “Mama”.

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{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

Jess WhoaMamma May 16, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Beautiful post, Deb. ♡
The most precious words in my world are “Mamma” and “I love you.”
When they are combined it makes my heart smile, every time.
xxx
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Deb May 16, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Thanks Jess! They are the most precious words, aren’t they? xx

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Leah @ language | lynx May 16, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Wow, that’s truly beautiful Deb. Just gorgeous. I had a little cry. Thank you for sharing.
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Deb May 16, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Thanks Leah. xx

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kelley @ magnetoboldtoo May 18, 2012 at 2:10 pm

They change you at a cellular level, don’t they?

Beautiful beautiful post.

x
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Deb May 20, 2012 at 11:57 pm

Thank you Kelley! x

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Carli (@tinysavages) May 18, 2012 at 3:43 pm

So sweet Deb. I never tire of the I love you’s myself.
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Deb May 20, 2012 at 11:58 pm

Yes, Carli. The voluntary expressions of their heart. Nothing quite like it. xx

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Lee May 18, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Motherhood really does change us to the core. We should be proud of that rather than try to pretend it doesn’t.
This post is delicious Deb. Just like our babies. xx
Beautiful photos too.
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Deb May 20, 2012 at 11:58 pm

Absolutely, Lee. Delicious like our babies! xx

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Naomi Bulger May 24, 2012 at 10:21 am

This is so incredible, so beautifully expressed. I can’t wait to experience it myself. Lately I’ve been thinking how there is about to be someone in the world who will call me “Mum.” I find that extraordinary. Insane. Glorious.
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Deb May 24, 2012 at 10:26 am

It will happen! Soon! And it is glorious. I’m so excited for you. I hope you record it in lovely words when it does happen – I’d love to read that. xx

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Dani May 15, 2013 at 9:02 pm

Oh, this made tears spring to my eyes several times Deb. Beautiful love song to your baby girl. I remember that Perry’s arrival was far too quick and unexpected, by c section, and when he was placed (eventually) on the slope of my chest, squawking loudly, I felt oddly detached from him. Hmmm, I think that you’ve inspired me to go and write it down :)…
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Deb March 22, 2014 at 9:31 pm

Hi Dani! I have only just discovered your lovely comment! Nearly a year later! Thank you so much for your words. I hope you did get a chance to write your own story down. And if you did, let me know! xx

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